Somethin' for da Haters

My pain can’t be explained by some lame excuse

I never suffered physical abuse

But emotionally I got used

To verbal assault

The deadly weapon of words

Planted in the soil of my Heart

Bullets flying daily trying to knock off my head

So many tears I shed

But instead of allowing those words to take root

I gave them the boot

And fulfilled my own desires

Discrediting every evil word that was ever spoken of me

I went through the fire

And let God burn out every impurity

And now when they look at me-

They eat their own words

And it makes them sick to their stomachs as if they were eating their own turds

I know it sounds absurd

But some people’s words are that filthy

They think the worst of others because their own lives are empty

They blame others for their shortcomings and mistakes

And refuse to take

A self examination which causes them to spiritually rape

Themselves of their opportunity to grow and develop

And instead of releasing the promises their blessings are shut up

In the heavenlies while their prayers are dwelling at the ceiling

They refuse to repent which blocks their own inner healing

Yet they cast their stones at those that they secretly idolize

Try to minimize their greatness

Thinkin that it will cause their demise

But a Word to the Wise

Must come without surprises

Look deep into my eyes

And you’ll see the ashes of this Phoenix rising

And also you’ll see a reflection of yourself

The glossy stare in my eyes just might cause your own death

But I’ve not come to destroy the world, I’ve come to be a light

And every word you ever spoke against me- trust me, it’s all right

It was my delight

Just to prove you wrong

Cause My Heavenly Father has given me a New song

And what you meant for my evil God worked out for my good

I know you still see me as that nappy headed little girl from the neighborhood

But all things have worked together and I’ve been transformed

And I find peace in the fact that your words can’t touch me or cause me any harm

Sandtrice Denise Russell
Copyright ©2006 

In Search of a Father

In search of a Father

In search of a dad

That never truly loved me

Ended up laying with a man

To make myself feel complete

Allowed satan to take

My joy and my peace

But now I’m takin back what the devil stole from me

Ever since I can remember I’ve always been mad

Was labeled as bad

But was really wishing I had a real earthly dad

Don’t get me wrong I love my heavenly King

He is my world, my Jehovah everything

But in the natural I feel like I’m searching for a man

When I need to be searching for God’s plan

To take my life all over this land

To the nations

His elevation

Comes with constellation

He is my motivation

Since the creation

I’ve come to the realization

That no matter how hard I look

I’ll never find in a person what the devil took

But this enemy, no this thief has to repay his debt seven times

The number of completion

To my spirit, soul, and mind

The time is now for me to conquer this demon

I’m getting sick and tired of his plotting and scheming

To seduce my mind and make me feel

Like my heart will never heal

Nor the pain that I conceal

The emotions are oh so real

But with Jehovah Rapha even my emotions can be healed

Daddy I love you, I wish this were true

But sometimes I don’t know if love is possible with you

Why did you hurt me,

Why didn’t you care

God had to pick up the broken pieces that you couldn’t bear

This generational curse has to end here

Or I fear

That it will trickle down the bloodline

And poison the minds

Of my brothers and sisters

Who will in no wise

Realize

This injustice

Or this tragedy

Yes, this generational curse of self-hate has got to end with me

So I choose this day to release the pain

And remain in the arms of my real Father, You know His name

Sandtrice Denise Russell

Copyright ©2006 

Alone

Alone

She stands alone in a dark corner

Hoping that no one sees her

Afraid to step into the light

Because she thinks the world might see her plight

So she pretends like everything is alright

But at night

She fights back the tears

And drowns in a sea of her fears

She’s afraid of life itself

She contemplates death

In stealth

And refuses to seek psychiatric or spiritual help

In her eyes her demise is a necessity

She already has the psychotropic recipe

But what she fails to realize

Is that an overdose

Will close out this chapter

But won’t prevent the pain in the chapters thereafter

Life is like a vapor, but to eternity there is no end

She can no longer pretend

There aren’t any more amends

She must face the consequence

In a fire that can’t be quenched

Where her body, spirit, and soul will be wrenched

She’s seen the end now let us go back to the beginning

When satan was defeated and God’s team was winning

Let’s hit the rewind button on life’s remote control

Now she’s back in that room so lonely and cold

God has granted unto His people free will

But do we ever stop to think about how God feels

Streams of tears flow from the Father’s eyes

Whenever we disobey Him our Heavenly Father cries

But back to this girl who has a choice to make

Will she live for God or her own life will she take-

God can mend the broken pieces of her heart

Fix anything that’s been rent or torn apart

If she gives it to him and accepts Christ in her life

Take on His yolk and burden, for it’s easy and light

And then everything will truly be alright

No more sleepless nights

But nights of peace and joy

Living in true contentment instead of the devil’s decoy

Sandtrice Denise Russell

Copyright ©2006 

Fatal Wounds

Fatal Wounds

Fatal wounds from my youth
Try to block the truth
Of God’s word
From my spiritual ears
Try to cause me to be overcome with fears
Of failure and have me trippin on myself
Cuz I’m too caught up on myself
To really put that flesh to death
So I must endure the test
And be tried in the fire
Gotta be purified and purged by His Spirit
In order to really go higher
But the key to this is simple
You gotta be broken and walk in truth
Fatal wounds from your youth
Aren’t an excuse
Not even abuse
Because Jesus died on that cross to deliver and set you free
The only reason you not, is because you need to D.I.E


Sandtrice Denise Russell
Copyright ©2006

Scars

Scars

She couldn’t see my scars from across the bar

All she saw was a (silhouette of a perfect frame)

She didn’t know about the internal pain

The years of rain

All she saw was my smile

 

The same smile that I hid for so many years

That gorgeous smile that has hidden so many tears

When she glanced at my face

There’s no way that she could have seen the dried up tears

From months of crying about my fears

During the turbulent years that I spent laying

Before the throne of grace

Seeking His face

But at the same time praying that He would

Erase

My Face

From the face of this earth

She doesn’t know about the hurt

Or the cuts on my right thigh

When she looks into my eyes

All she sees is beauty

 

She can’t hear the screaming sounds of my soul

Or the scattered, shattered pieces of my heart

That the last chic stole

She doesn’t understand how my heart can be so cold

My Persona so Bold

Yet inside I’m empty, never to be whole

 

She can’t handle the silent tears

That I cry deep into the night

She couldn’t imagine the internal fight

All she sees is the finished product

Of years of hell

Not the fragments of the empty shell

That I used to be

When she looks at me she sees the

New and Improved Tree

She sees perfection

Something that I’ll never be

But I love my imperfections

Because they make me

Uniquely Me

 

Treesie Zachary, 2016

Intro to the Madness

Sooooooooooo my name is Tree, I'll spare you the details of my government name because that's irrelevant unless you're about to cut me a check. I've been blogging/live journaling since the good old days of College Club and Black Planet when the internet first took over our lives. I'm sure that if you searched hard enough via google, bing, or yahoo that you could easily find all of my old  blogs from the early 2000's, but that's not why you're here!!


You're here, one because you're nosy, and two because, I'm freaking awesome. I realize that I have many gifts to share with "The Universe" and I haven't been doing my part with remaining faithful to my call to encourage and empower others.


There are two distinct facets of my personality. There is the professional intellectual and the down right ignorant, whatever comes up comes out, "ratchet" side. You'll get a little bit of both of them here. I'll be blogging on current events, sharing my poetry, and just discussing the various bullshit that occurs in my everyday life. I'm looking forward to this journey, I'm sure those of you who join me will as well!!


Treesie Z.